


Let's Get Together

by ryfkah



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Family, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryfkah/pseuds/ryfkah
Summary: Relationship drama, twin swaps, a minor diamond heist - just a standard Saturday brunch at the Marbella.





	Let's Get Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rsadelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/gifts).



“You did _what_ ,” said Mateo.

Anna sighed. Elsa rolled her eyes. 

“Originally,” said Anna, “it was Aunt Luisa’s diamond anyway..”

“Aunt Luisa’s murder girlfriend’s diamond,” amended Elsa.

“Right, but she _left_ it to Aunt Luisa.”

“So really it should belong to someone in the family.” 

“And not to Dad’s new girlfriend, who just, like, _found_ it.”

“It’s practically a family heirloom.” 

“You met Aunt Luisa _twice_ ,” said Mateo, flatly, “and also, you’re not planning to give it back to her --”

“She’s in Kazakhstan!” 

“-- you’re planning to sell it for cash. Also, you still stole it. It was definitely still theft. Which is definitely still illegal.” 

Anna clasped her hands together and said, earnestly, “We need it to save the _Marbella_!” 

“If you rat us out,” said Elsa, “you’re not just betraying our trust, but you’re also pretty much destroying our entire family. ” 

“Family,” added Anna, “is more important than _anything_.”

“Yeah, sure," said Mateo, "and family doesn’t let family _steal diamonds!_ ”

Elsa said, “Well, we already stole it, so, I mean, that ship’s sailed.”

“Well, no,” said Mateo. “You could put it back. You could put it back right where you found it. That ship has definitely not sailed.”

Anna and Elsa glanced at each other. They were all sitting at a table by the pool at the Marbella. Somehow, conversations like this always seemed to happen at a table at the Marbella. 

“Well,” said Anna.

“We can’t,” said Elsa.

“Because we mailed it ahead to Cancun.”

“To _Cancun?_ ”

“We sent it ahead with Elsa’s luggage on your grandfather Rogelio’s movie shoot,” explained Anna, “and then I’m going to sell it to an old friend of Grandma Magda’s.”

“Enemy of Grandma Magda’s,” said Elsa.

“An old acquaintance of Grandma --” 

“ _You’re_ interning on the movie shoot,” said Mateo, to Elsa.

Elsa shook her head. “Anna’s going now.”

“But you --” 

“I’m making a sacrifice,” said Elsa, grimly. 

“We’re both making a sacrifice,” said Anna. “I don’t want to go to Cancun. I have a NASA summer program.” 

“I -- wait. I’m totally lost,” said Mateo. “Why are you swapping? Why does Anna have to sell the diamond? _Why are you selling a diamond in Cancun?_ No, don’t answer that, I understand your completely nonsense reasons for trying to sell a diamond in Cancun. I _don’t_ understand why you decided to _tell me you’re doing it._ ” 

“Oh, Mateo.” Anna sighed, looking as sorrowful and world-weary as a five-foot fourteen-year-old possibly could. “You remember what happened last time Elsa tried to negotiate with a criminal.”

Mateo let his head thunk down onto the table. 

“We’re telling you,” said Elsa, “because we need your help make sure our parents don’t figure out we switched.” 

“And,” said Anna, “when we were going to set the Fairwick on fire, you made us promise we wouldn’t do anything illegal without telling you.”

“So we’re telling you.” 

“First,” said Mateo, hollowly, head still on the table. “I meant telling me first. Before you did it.” 

“We just need you to cover for us next Saturday,” said Elsa, in the voice of perfect reason that was always slightly less plausible than Anna’s voice of perfect reason. “Just so we can get through brunch without our parents noticing. Then we’ll swap back, and Anna will have the money from the diamond sale, and we’ll get it to Dad anonymously, and he’ll use it to save the Marbella. Vanessa will just think she _lost_ the diamond. Nobody will ever have to know.”

“Don’t worry about what’s legal,” said Anna. “Worry about what’s _right._ ”

“I’m pretty sure what’s right is not selling stolen property,” said Mateo.

“Ugh!” said Elsa. “You’re such a Jane Junior. OK, how about this -- if you rat us out, we’ll tell --”

“Elsa!” Anna tugged on Elsa’s ponytail. “We said no blackmail! That _always_ backfires with Villanuevas. Emotional blackmail only.” 

Mateo said, “ _Hey_ \--”

Anna laid her head down on the table across from Mateo and stared, earnestly, into his eyes. “We’re _trusting_ you, Mateo,” she said. “You’re our only brother. Our _older_ brother. And you know Vanessa already hates all of us, and there’s like a solid fifty percent chance that she’s evil, and if she finds out we stole her diamond, she’ll make sure we go to juvie. We’re on thin ice already after the attempted arson. So will you help us? Please?” 

Mateo let out a long, long groan.

**

Six days out of the week, Mateo went to school, went to karate, and went home. Anna and Elsa went to a different school, a fancy private school where everyone, apparently, was under the impression they were normal human beings. His great-grandmother’s house was hardly ever visited by mobsters or career criminals. Things were peaceful. 

On the seventh day, there was family brunch at the Marbella. 

“I still don’t know how you expect me to stop our parents from figuring out that you’re not Anna,” he muttered to Elsa. For the moment, they were alone at the table. Jane and Petra were in the bathroom, which was not a place they usually went together. Rafael was late.

“Our mom’s the best at telling us apart after you,” whispered Elsa. “As long as you can make sure she doesn’t notice, it’ll be fine.” 

“ _How?_ ”

“Figure it out. Distract her. Throw one of your famous tantrums.”

“I haven’t thrown a tantrum in _eight years,_ ” hissed Mateo. 

“Honestly, you peaked early,” said Elsa. 

“Hey!” Rafael came up, looking a little breathless. “Sorry I’m -- where’s your mom?”

This question seemed to be directed generally. Mateo said, “They’re --” 

“You’re late,” said Petra, swooping elegantly into her seat like an irritated egret.

“Sorry, Vanessa was having a crisis. Wait, _I’m_ late? Where were you? Where’s Jane?”

“We’ve already been here fifteen minutes. Jane’s in the restroom. What kind of crisis?”

Rafael shrugged. “She lost something, and she’s stressed about it.”

“She’s always stressed,” said Petra, dismissively, and turned her attention to Mateo. “Mateo. I understand some youthful incompetent plagiarized your AP essay.”

Most people found Petra Solano’s undivided attention somewhat alarming. Mateo, who was largely immune to the effect due to long exposure, had made sure to recruit Petra for all his parent-teacher conferences as soon as he started high school. “Um, I think it’s fine,” he said. “The teacher believed me when he said I wrote mine first. Mom says to always save and date the early drafts.”

“Hm.” Petra sniffed, but it was one of her approving sniffs. “That sounds like Jane.”

“An older, wiser Jane,” said Jane, dropping into the seat next to her. “I know you haven’t forgotten Angelique Harper.”

“Angelique Harper,” said Petra, “was extremely memorable. No. I have not forgotten Angelique Harper.”

They smiled at each other, and then directed near-identical, very slightly sappy smiles in the direction of Elsa. 

Before Elsa could roll her eyes, Mateo kicked her under the table. 

“Oh!” said Elsa. “Right. Yes. I’d love to hear the story of the day we were born, again.” 

She wasn’t as good a liar as Anna, but she almost managed to make it sound convincing. Still, Mateo felt like it was maybe time to redirect attention. He desperately tried to think of something to talk about that didn’t involve diamonds, Cancun, Rogelio, mobsters, Rafael's relationship with Vanessa, or the Marbella’s looming current financial disaster. “Hey, Mom -- speaking of publishing, did you tell them about the new series launch getting pushed back again?” 

“Again?” Petra straightened indignantly, the smile disappearing as quickly as it had come. “Jane, this is honestly getting absurd. It’s like they’re deliberately trying to sabotage --”

“It’s normal practice,” Jane interrupted. “It’s not a big deal.” She gave Petra a look that contained a solid mix of affection and exasperation, with fondness clearly in the ascendant. “I realize this isn’t how you live your life, but I promise, not everything is actually an evil plot.” 

“If you’d like someone to --”

“I can handle it.”

“I know you _can_ handle it,” snapped Petra. “I won’t interfere unless you’d like me to. I’m simply offering -- moral support.”

Jane exhaled. “Well,” she said. Her mouth curved into another smile. “I guess I shouldn’t turn down moral support, right?” 

Rafael looked from Jane to Petra. Elsa looked from Jane to Petra. Mateo smiled politely at Billy, the new waiter. Billy looked at everyone looking from Jane to Petra, dumped a basket of fancy Marbella bread on the table, and immediately backed away before he could accidentally get caught up in any Solano family drama. 

“I suppose,” Petra said, “now is as good a time as any.” She lifted her chin, and put her hand firmly over Jane’s where it sat on the table. “Actually, Jane and I have an announcement to make.”

The table immediately erupted, as Rafael, Jane, and Petra all started talking at once. Mateo concentrated on dipping a piece of bread into the olive oil in the center of the table. He honestly didn’t know why anybody was surprised. It had been obvious that this was coming ever since Rafael had started dating Vanessa. 

Mateo wasn’t supposed to know that Jane and Petra’s first one-night stand had been ten years ago, after Jane and Rafael’s third or fourth relationship dissolved over a promotional stunt gone wrong. That one had been a secret which Jane and Petra had both sworn they would take to their graves -- until Petra and Rafael’s second marriage had split up, and, not too long afterwards, there they were again. By now, the Solano-Villanueva emotional triangle was practically as predictable as a geometric equation. Any pressure on one point immediately sent tension zinging through the other two. 

It didn’t matter much to Mateo, as long as everyone was speaking to each other, and everybody usually was. He just wished they could fast-forward over the breaking-the-news part, which always got a little awkward. 

On the other hand, given everything else going on today, it might not be a bad thing for his parents to be a little distracted with their interpersonal drama. 

“-- I mean, I’m happy for the two of you. Of course I am. I’m just saying, I’m a little surprised that given how badly things ended last time --”

“Things ended badly last time because an obsessive fan was impersonating Jane via plastic surgery. That hardly seems a situation that’s likely to repeat itself!”

Mateo took a bite of his bread, and glanced at Elsa. Surprisingly, she looked irritated. Usually, nothing delighted Elsa and Anna more than the revelation that Jane, Petra or Rafael had entered into yet another round of their ever-shifting relationship. They appreciated how much the remaining parent felt like they had to prove themselves to their children as a result. 

The one time the three of them had actually been dating at the same time, on the other hand, the twins had immediately gotten so unnerved that they launched an elaborate scheme to break them up. 

“They would have outnumbered us,” Anna had explained, when Mateo confronted them about it.

“I mean...there’s three of them,” Mateo had said, “and three of us, so…”

Anna and Elsa had just stared at him blankly until he gave up. 

(Though honestly, he’d secretly been just as relieved. Hypothetically it might be nice if their parents could find some kind of stable equilibrium, but having Anna and Elsa as sisters was stressful enough when they lived in different houses most of the time.) 

“Rafael,” Jane was saying now, in her Tones of Determined Reason, “I appreciate your concern. Honestly. And maybe we can talk about it another time, the three of us -- or even the four of us, I guess,” she added, in her Tones of Determined Fairness, “if Vanessa wants to be part of that conversation --”

“Vanessa doesn’t need to be part of that conversation,” said Petra and Rafael, at the same time, and then gave each other unloving looks. 

“-- but this is Saturday brunch, and I’d really like to hear how Anna feels about her upcoming summer program, so maybe we can talk about that for a little while instead?”

Everyone’s gazes turned towards Elsa.

Elsa kicked Mateo under the table, which he suspected was half revenge for earlier, and half sheer panic.

Mateo said, “I bet Anna --”

“ _It’s another wonderful day to be ROGELio!_ ” shrilled Jane’s wrist. 

A beam of light shot out towards the table and resolved itself into a glowing 3-D holograph of Mateo’s grandfather. He was wearing a mer-tail and a jetpack, holding a triton, and looking thunderous. 

“Dad!” said Jane. “The _Triton de Marte_ costume looks great!” 

“Did Elsa want to call in for brunch?” Rafael looked touched. He cupped his hands to his mouth. “Rogelio! Is Elsa there?”

“He can hear you perfectly well, Rafael,” said Petra. “There’s no need to shout.” 

“That is what _you_ think!” shouted Rogelio. He reached forward -- for a second all that could be seen was a giant holographic hand; presumably he was adjusting his projector -- and then stepped back again. Now there were two holographs on the table: Rogelio, and Anna. 

“ _This_ \--” Rogelio swept his triton wildly around in a circle, until it ended up pointing straight at Anna -- “is _not_ your daughter!”

Petra, Jane, and Rafael stared at Anna. Anna shrugged. 

Then they stared at Rogelio, who coughed. “I mean,” he said. “Of course, she is in fact your daughter. However!” His voice gained in volume again. He grabbed Anna’s wrist with his free hand and held it up pointedly. “Anyone can see she is certainly not the _correct_ daughter!”

“Calm down, Rogelio,” said Rafael, soothingly. “You know Elsa’s been looking forward to this for months. She’s not going to --”

“I _do_ know that!” roared Rogelio. “I know it just as well as I know that if I asked for emergency concealer, Elsa would _never_ bring me a pink base!” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a man soldiering through great trial, and said, more calmly, “Elsa has been backstage with me numerous times. If I had not been so impressed by how seriously she takes this work, I would never have agreed to bring her on the shoot with me. I am very sorry to tell you, but this child is an imposter.” 

“Anyone can make a mistake,” Rafael began, but Petra’s eyes narrowed. Her gaze swept from Anna, a fuzzily sheepish shape on the 3-D holoprojector, to Elsa, hunkered down truculently next to Mateo, and locked in.

“Mateo,” she said, “what’s this all about?” 

“Mateo doesn’t know anything about it,” said Anna, immediately, her voice coming tinnily through the holoprojector. “It was just us.” 

“Why would we tell _Mateo_?” said Elsa. “He’s such a goody two-shoes.”

“ _We_ were the ones who stole the diamond, all by ourselves.”

“Mateo didn’t have anything to do with it.” 

“Stole the diamond?” said Jane. 

“You can’t honestly expect me to believe that,” said Petra, coolly. “Mateo is better at telling the two of you apart than any of us. You’re both too smart to rely on his inattention. No. Mateo was an accomplice.”

“A reluctant accomplice!” said Anna.

“I blackmailed him,” said Elsa.

“I emotionally blackmailed him,” said Anna.

Mateo swallowed. 

Then he looked at his mother. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he told her. “I know I should have told you about it as soon as I heard about it from Anna and Elsa, but --” He turned his gaze to Petra. “They’re just kids, and they were really scared, you know? I mean, listen to them. They know what kind of trouble they’re in, and they’re trying to protect _me_.” Petra’s face was granite. 

Mateo focused on Rafael. “Vanessa really doesn’t like them. You have to know that, right? She doesn’t much like me either, but it’s worse for them, because they live here.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Petra stiffen. 

“It was dumb of Anna and Elsa to steal from her, sure,” Mateo went on. “But they needed to get this out of their system.” He looked at Anna, on the screen. “I know they were never going to through with it. They were always going to return the diamond in the end. Right?”

Now it was his turn, once again, to kick Elsa under the table.

“Right,” said Elsa, immediately.

“Of course!” said holographic Anna.

“Mateo,” said Jane, “you _really_ should have told us.”

“Yeah,” said Mateo. He smiled at her, sheepishly. “But, you know, they’re my little sisters. And anyway, I thought giving them a chance to do the right thing on their own was what you would do.” 

One, two -- and, right on cue, Jane heaved a sigh and rubbed her temples, and Mateo knew he’d won.

Petra regarded him and Elsa coolly for a second. “You know there will be consequences for this,” she informed them -- and then turned to Rafael. “And we are having a _talk_ about Vanessa.”

Elsa raised her hand. “Um,” she said, awkwardly. “I know we’re probably grounded forever and all --” She looked at Rogelio. “And I know you’re probably really mad at me --”

Rogelio glowered. “I am _furious_ at -- Jane! I cannot see _anyone_ on that side of the table! Lift your wrist up to a better angle, please.” 

Jane blinked, then lifted up her wrist. Rogelio leaned forward, squinted, nodded, puffed himself up to a greater height, and redoubled his glowering. “I am _furious_ at the time you have wasted,” he declared, “and I expect you on the next plane to Cancun! Tonight!” Returning to a more conversational tone, he added, “Matelio, it pains me, as always, that you have chosen not to pursue a career in show business,” before blinking off and out.

Mateo flicked his gaze around in some alarm to see whether any of his parents had caught that -- but the three of them were now engaged in a serious conversation about Vanessa, the Marbella, and modeling ethical behavior. Mateo wanted to listen in, but Elsa nudged him with her elbow and leaned up to him to whisper, “How are you so _good_ at that?”

She looked halfway between pleased and disgruntled. Mateo shrugged. He tried not to abuse his talents, but sometimes there wasn’t any choice if he wanted his sisters to survive into adulthood.

“Anyway,” he murmured back, “it looks like they’re pretty much all blaming Vanessa, not us or each other, so --”

“Ugh!” said Elsa, looking profoundly anxious.

Mateo blinked -- but before he could ask, Petra turned and started to explain carefully to Elsa how _extremely_ grounded she was going to be in Cancun. 

He didn’t find out what that was about until next week’s Saturday brunch. While they waited for their parents, Anna explained to him, glumly, that they hadn’t been calculating on Jane and Petra getting back together so soon. “We figured, if we got caught, there was a silver lining, right? Whenever we do something dubiously ethical, Mom starts stressing out about the fact that we need better role models than the kind of people who hang around the Marbella, and then she starts sending us off to hang out with you honest Villanuevas, and then _she_ starts spending more time with Jane. Which is _great_ , because when they’re together Dad is so easy to get around that it’s almost pathetic. It’s like taking candy from a baby who’s also intermittently a millionaire. But if we’ve just accidentally united them all against a common enemy -”

Her mouth snapped shut, as Petra, Rafael and Jane appeared together across the room. They sat down at the table. Petra sighed, and then smiled at Mateo and Anna, wearily. “Do you kids know,” she said, “how much we all look forward to these Saturdays?”

“It’s nice, isn’t it,” said Rafael, “amidst all the drama, to have one part of the week that’s just normal family stuff.” 

“Mm,” said Mateo, and reached for a piece of bread.


End file.
